I was four years old when my abuse began. It began as sexual and then as abuse often does, it took root and splintered into many other forms physical, verbal, and emotional.
My abusers new the art of trickery and deceit well. As a young girl, they taught me many things. I learned to speak only when I was spoken to; to obey my elders; to not tell our family's "business". I was taught to hide the truth and bury it deep inside.
When my abuse came to the surface, adults who should have loved and protected me forced me to hide the truth, not only from other members of the family but the authorities as well. This hiding only gave my abusers more access to me and so the abuse continued into my teenage years.
I LEARNED TO LEAVE MY BODY
I learned to leave my body as a way to protect myself from the abuse. But I left so often that it was difficult to return to it and when I did, only a part of me seemed to arrive. My body was a stranger to me. I began to hate my body and before I knew it, the seeds of shame that had been planted so long ago, began to flower.
I did not realize it at the time but as a young girl, I had begun living according to a false script.
I hid behind the script and created an entirely different persona that appeared happy and full of life. I deflected and projected and for years and functioned remarkably well in this trance-like way. What no one knew is that I felt dead inside and because of this I attracted dead relationships that further depleted me and contributed to the separation I felt from myself, including my body and from others.
I STRUGGLED WITH DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE
For years I struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts, and body dysmorphia. As a teenager, I tried to bury my emotions with drugs and alcohol which only furthered my disillusionment in life and left me feeling more hollow.
My wounds showed up as eating disorders, played out in hypersexual activity, and self-sabotaging behaviors that made it difficult for me to have genuine relationships. As a parent, these wounds made it hard for me to bond with my children and at times caused me to withhold affection.
AWAKENING FROM THE TRANCE
I did not know how separated I was from myself until I had to make my way back.
Through yoga and meditation, I was able to make my way back home. Home to myself - home to my beautiful, feminine, body. By learning to love myself and my body, I was able to heal my sex wounds. I learned to embrace my magnificence and finally began to see my body as a vessel of light and grace instead of the shame and disgrace.
Sex turned from something loathsome into a beautifully enriching experience that I could share with another being. My passion and love for myself and my lover were often insurmountable! By tapping into my wild feminine essence, I had unlocked a sacred aspect of myself that I had hidden away years and years prior.
By attuning to our own deeply, intuitive and wild feminine needs, we can begin to transform what feels broken and beyond repair. We begin to see just how powerful and magnificent we are! This is the journey I want to offer to you.
Through devotional practices approached with respect and self-compassion, and love we will begin to peel back the layers of scripts and programming to reveal the truth of your divinely feminine power. During this weekend immersion, I will be sharing my self-care strategies and approaches to life that have helped me to move towards a more blissful and authentic way of life!
I am so excited to be co-creating the Way of the Wild Women with other incredible women who have been able to transform their painful experiences into living masterpieces of love, self-compassion, and devotion.
I know that is not easy to do, but I know that it can be done.
With so much love,