A Women’s Pain


Another pattern I see with women is that they stay in relationships that they have attracted because they have some specific need and so maybe it's they might be compromising on one end, but they feel like a need is being met on another. So for example if a need is that they have been abandoned and they don't want to be abandoned, and they don't want to be left again then they'll stay in a relationship simply because they feel that that person is not going to leave them because being alone, being abandoned is more devastating for them to consider than actually staying in this very unhappy relationship. So staying in unhappy relationships out of the fear of abandonment, having to try to fill that need, but we also stay in relationships because of the need to feel loved. I believed for a long time that nobody would be able to accept me because of my past so therefore I was not worthy of having a boyfriend who came from a good family because as soon as he or his family found out my past, then I wasn't going to be good enough. So I needed to have somebody who in my mind I believed would be able to accept me as I am and my past and all of its ugliness. The sad part is its like in many ways putting myself down and this person down because I'm feeling like they’re somehow less valuable than this other person, because I definitely wasn't thinking this person was more compassionate, this person is more loving a therefore their going to be able to hold me, no...i was thinking this person's life is just as fucked up as mine so I think that they would be able to accept my fucked-upness too. They had a fucked up life, or they look they've gone through a lot of things, so there going to be able to hold my fucked-upness and so were just pretty much going to be fucked up together which is pretty ridiculous.

Where in your life are you settling or holding yourself back?